I don't know if any of the rest of you are doing NaNoWriMo (I am), but when I go to their front page, I'm assault by the image of a Moo and her newborn sprog on the front page.

Apparently, the Nano folks think that if you write a novel while you're pregnant and then have a baby and manage to finish that you're some kind of superhero.

So people who work two jobs or have disabilities don't deserve any credit or recognition, but if you drop a sprog, suddenly writing 50,000 words is an amazing feat that deserves an article on the front page?

I'm so tired of people acting like popping a sprog is this huge miracle and everyone should fawn over you if you have one. Fine, you did something that creatures since the beginning of time have been doing. Good for you, your plumbing works. It doesn't make every single thing you do after you crotch-drop a fucking Olympic level achievement.

Oh, and speaking of writing and Moo-dom, was anyone else just beyond pissed at Breaking Dawn? I won't spoil folks, but it's the worst book ever and I'm done with the entire series and I'm done with Stephanie Meyer.

Just once I'd like to read a book or see a movie where a woman gets pregnant on accident and actually does the smart thing and has the abortion. I'm so tired of it being seen as "heroic" to have a baby. No, it's not. Sometimes the heroic thing is to know that the kid just shouldn't get born, am I right?

some idiots tried to leave spam comments in an older entry. if i thought that they'd see it, i would have told them to at least learn fucking english before spamming me.

i wish i could find people like that and scream at them and kick them in the nads.

Dear Moo,

When an elderly gentleman with a cane and pronounced arthritis boards a crowded bus, and is obviously having trouble standing, the correct response is not to take up the last remaining seat for your completely healthy child, who doesn't seem to want to sit in one place anyway.

The correct response is to move your kid out of the seat, let the poor guy sit, and never ever take a stroller that big onto public transportation again.

You didn't do that, and one of the other elderly passengers who was more able to stand gave up her seat. God knows if I'd had a seat, it would have been his. But I was too busy getting poked in the leg by your enormous stroller as I was standing.

I think you're a horrible human being. I hope your ovaries shrivel so your callous bitch genes can't pass any further into the gene pool.

No Love Ever,
Me


Also, the next time some pair of breeders wants to try knocking me down the stairs so they can move their giant stroller down it during rush hour when everyone is trying to go upwards and I have absolutely no where to go, I am going to start screaming loudly until you decide to do the smart thing. Seriously. I'm going to lose my shit and just start going into hysterics. I will do my best to freak you the fuck out, because you deserve it.

I understand that for whatever reason, you feel the need to transport your crotchnugget via public transportation. I understand it probably needs it's own container. God knows, I want a barrier between it and me at all times. Especially if it decides to spew.

But since said container is the size of a space shuttle, maybe you could do the sensible thing and wait five fucking extra minutes until the crowd has cleared and stairs are more navigable.

Of course, I don't expect you to do this because you're stupid, and I imagine that your entire existence revolves around this little poop factory and you have placenta brains which are soft and squishy and make you about as good at logic and forethought as a brain damaged baboon.

Still, it would be nice.

I don't know if any of you have ever read Blood and Iron by Elizabeth Bear but it is so so so so so awesome. I love this book so much it has everything in it. It has fairies and dragons and a very sarcastic water horse and a bunch of people from hell and a club of people who want to get rid of all that with iron. I won't spoil it for you.

So I made a fanmix. First time I made one of these for a book.

ETA: Be polite and comment when taking so I can know when to put up a new link and someone let me know when the downloads run out. I know that yousendit.com can be a pain.

ETA 2: One of the tracks is missing from the .zip. It's linked individually. Thanks for letting me know.


( 3 Warnings & 1000 Broken Ballads: A Blood and Iron Fanmix )

I am testing the livejournal client I just downloaded

apparently I won a stargate fan award for "unbearable luminosity".

huh. didn't realize people liked it that much.

am perplexed but grateful. also inspired to finish up "perfect storms" which is 99% complete anyway.

so i decided to entitle my universe "standard candles". the term "standard candle" is used in astronomy to denote a star who's brightness is used as a standard to measure the brightness of other stars. i think this is appropriate given what the characters in my universe are going to do.

also, the cover is a spoiler for stories #4 and #5. because i will be adding atlantis characters. so if you don't want to know which ones, don't look.


( pretty artwork for my universe done by myself )

( fanfic, the same series as unbearable luminosity )

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just to let everyone know that i'm still kicking around. i just lost internet access for a while, but i have it back now. also, i am still working on fanfiction and people at ff.net have left me lots of really helpful comments.

so, yeah, still kicking around. lots of fanfic is in my notebook, and the second story in the series that still has no name has been written. just needs to be fixed and typed.

so expect that soon.

and i have missed everyone.

glad to be back!

welcome to my great and secret fetish.

i love to watch the drama. i don't like to participate, but sometimes it's quite funny to see two idiots go at each other on a mailing list or a livejournal community or something. even better when they bring their groupies and it looks like a mailing list version of west side story with the two groups circling each other and snapping their fingers.

really. it brings me an obscene amount of joy.

so these two girls on the sgcfanfiction list i'm on decided to go at it.

neither of them have a really good hold on spelling. not that i'm queen of the spelling bee or anything and i freely admit i have a hatred of capital letters (call it an ocd thing).

still, it's really funny.

( for your very much amusement )

oh, as for hosting, haven't found any yet, but there's this cool site called pick-me that connects people who need hosting with people who need hostees.

and super duper thanks to the person who sent me the online links to hosts as well. that was way sweet!

wow. i am just dragging ass today for no good reason. i got my eight hours last night.

maybe because i'm not used to getting my eight hours.

okay, since there's obviously going to be more than one story following Unbearable Luminosity it's a series, right? so i should name it. and i have no idea what to name the damn thing, but i need a title so i can label my folder something besides 'stories that are in the same fic-verse as UL'. that's way too long.

and i still need to find hosting from someone. so if anyone knows of any sites looking for hostees, please, let me know. i need somewhere to put this stuff that isn't fanfiction.net or geocities.

so i'm starting to work on the sequel to unbearable luminosity.

( spoilers for the next fanfic and probably some episodes of sg1 )

i'm also wondering if there are any good places to get webhosting without ads for free. i'm fundamentally opposed to geocities and yahoo because one they don't regulate their content very well, and i'd hate to see the big uber-tyrants of the cyber world make money off of my fan fic or this show that i love so much with their adverts on my page.

anywhere! i don't need much space!

and then sometimes the world opens up for you and people tell you what they think and you just blossom like a flower. 'cause it's beautiful.

if i could radiate my happiness all over the world, i would. i'm brighter than any light you've seen right now and i think the flowers are just springing up at my feet.

because this my friends is joy. the bright place that sometimes the world is just gracious enough to grant you.

i wish i had a way to share it and may you know this thing often. may we all.

kinda frustrated with school and life and work and everything.

kinda frustrated that nobody will read my shit or talk to me or anything. because i worked damn hard and if these little freaks on ff.net who write stupid stories about stupid things can get fifty people to say how great they are, how come i can't get more than one person to say anything?

i won't lie. i love that story and think it's worth the time it takes to read it. i wouldn't have written it other wise.

i don't even care if they say they like it as long as they say something useful. maybe even if someone would say they hated it but had good reasons. something. anything.

and i'm frustrated because i don't know where i'm going in my life and don't have any direction and god doesn't come down and talk to me and i just do what i think i should be doing and i can't get it together can't make myself care about life because it all feels pointless.

can't make myself do my schoolwork or call my boss for my schedule. just want to let it all fall apart because at least then my life would be interesting. my life is so boring i don't want to be in it. the worst movie ever because the plot is stupid and you can't even tell where it's going.

i don't know what kind of job i want and i don't want to do what i'm supposed to and i want food but won't eat it and i think we're all big gluttons and i'm scared that other people are as stupid as i think they are.

i hate being smarter than other people, especially because it's true and i can't make it false. i can't find a way to make it so that i'm normal. i don't want it to be this way. i want them to be smarter than me. i want them to know things i don't so i can learn. i want them to care about history and science and literature and be able to talk about nabokov and tolstoy and the heisenburg uncertainty principal and care about nasa.

because i know and i care about things and they don't and it's like they're a different species and they go clubbing and date lots of boys and have lots of sex and buy expensive clothes and get drunk and sometimes i think it is their fault, especially the girls, because maybe there is such a thing as a whore. maybe there is such a thing as deserving what you get because maybe stupid should be a sin. they don't care where the money is coming from or that it's a slow kind of murder-suicide of the world and that they don't even look pretty and they waste all their money, time, life, everything and people are starving and sometimes i do it and i can't stop it and i don't want to be like this ever again.

because sometimes i get like them and it's so easy to sink that low and not care. so easy to let go and be shallow and go to american eagle and be like this girl who wants to know if she'd look good with a tv star's hairdo and do you like her brand new overpriced clothes that don't really look good on her and isn't she special?

and not care at all that there's a political revolution going down in russia and there's been over 1000 deaths in iraq and that's not counting the iraqi's, it's just the service men. and there's genocides going down in africa that don't make the news and that people are starving here and nobody's listening to this woman. They should listen to her because she's swimming against a big tide and i don't wanna be that tide. i don't want to be the girl who posts about her new fifty dollar skirt when fifty dollars would be food/clothes/medicine for someone somewhere who needs it so badly it hurts and they're dying and here you are in your stupid fifty-dollar skirt that you didn't need how many clothes do you already have you stupid, gluttonous whore? and maybe you deserved everything you ever got for it.

and if that's true, so do i and i don't want to deserve it. i want to be better than that.

i don't want riches, because they make me so nervous. the money scares me and i want to buy walmart brand for the rest of my life and give quarters to people holding out cups and be a better person than this.

i wanna be the good person that all the fake-ass christians of the world wish they were, try to be when they go to church and don't even know the bible because they don't care but don't they look so pretty and aren't they nice because they go to church?

so yeah, i'm frustrated. because it's a world of this and maybe i'm getting lost. i feel guilt when i fill up my car and guilt when i hand an overpriced latte to a yuppie mom with five kids and guilt when i think about new handbags and guilt when i'm like this.

guilt because i don't want to deserve what they deserve.

but you know what they all say. even the wicked get more than they deserve.

i put le stargate story up on ff.net. in case anyone wants to give me reviews on the entire thing because it's all edited and crap.

am i shallow for not caring about clinton's heart problems and instead contemplating a new handbag?

i feel shallow. like i should have more concern for the outside world. only, i don't. mostly because it doesn't seem to get any better out there. and hey, might as well be cozy if the ship is going down.

maybe i should give money to something.

buy some redemption. sounds good.